In today’s society, death and dying are often hidden away, tucked behind closed doors, and shielded from the eyes of children. While this practice may stem from a desire to protect children from the perceived discomfort of facing mortality, it is essential to recognize that such actions can have unintended consequences. By shielding children from death and dying, we are robbing them of the opportunity to understand and embrace the natural dying process, leading to potential negative impacts on their emotional and psychological development. In this article, we will explore the repercussions of hiding death from children and advocate for demystifying the end-of-life journey to promote a healthier and more empathetic society.
Example of Children Turned Away from a Dying Lady’s Room
Recently, a heartwarming event took place at a local personal care home. A group of young children came to sing appropriate songs to the residents, spreading joy and companionship. However, as they approached the room of a dying old lady, they were turned away by her family, who believed that seeing her in her frail state would scare the children. While the intention to protect the children’s emotions was understandable, this incident highlights the broader issue of how society tends to shield children from the realities of death, even in the presence of a natural dying process.
The Need to Demystify Death for Children
Children are naturally curious and observant, often noticing and referencing death in various aspects of life. Avoiding discussions about death can lead to misunderstandings and anxiety. Instead, it is crucial to demystify death and dying, allowing children to develop a healthier understanding of this inevitable part of life. We can foster compassion and empathy in young minds by embracing open conversations.
One way to demystify death and dying is to explain it in simple and honest terms without using euphemisms or vague language that may confuse or frighten children. For example, instead of saying that someone “passed away” or “went to sleep”, we can say that they “died” and “that means we will no longer be able to see them”. We can also avoid implying that death is a punishment or a result of bad actions or thoughts, as this may cause children to feel guilty or responsible for the death of a loved one.
Another way to demystify death and dying is to acknowledge and validate the emotions that children may experience, such as sadness, anger, fear, or loneliness. We can help children express and cope with their feelings by listening to them, comforting them, and providing them with outlets such as drawing, writing, or playing. We can also share our feelings and memories of the deceased person and let children know that it is normal and healthy to grieve.
A third way to demystify death and dying is to expose children to the cultural and religious beliefs and practices that surround death and dying in different communities. We can help children learn about the diversity and commonality of how people honor and remember the dead, such as through rituals, ceremonies, symbols, or stories. We can also encourage children to participate in these activities or create their ways of celebrating and honoring the deceased person’s life.
By demystifying death and dying, we can help children cope with the loss of a loved one and prepare them for the reality of death as a part of life. We can also help children develop empathy and compassion for others who are grieving and respect for the diversity of beliefs and values that shape our understanding of death and dying. By doing so, we can contribute to a more caring and resilient society for the future.
The Negative Impact of Shielding Children from Death
Fear and Stigmatization: When we don’t talk about death, we make it seem like something scary and bad. Children may start to worry about what happens when someone dies, and they may have many questions that they are afraid to ask. They may also think that death is something that only happens to old people or sick people, and they may avoid or judge them because they don’t want to think about death. This can make them miss learning from and caring for these people.
Emotional Disconnect: When we hide death, we also hide our feelings about it. Children may not see us cry or talk about our sadness when someone dies. They may think we don’t care or are not supposed to care. They may also hide their feelings and pretend that they are fine. This can make them feel alone and confused. They may not learn how to express and cope with their emotions or how to comfort and support others who are grieving.
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: When we shield children from death, we don’t prepare them for the reality of loss. Eventually, they will face the death of someone they love, and they may not know how to deal with it. They may feel overwhelmed by their emotions and try to escape or ignore them. They may use drugs, alcohol, or other harmful ways to cope. They may also blame themselves or others for the death and feel angry or guilty. These coping mechanisms can hurt them and their relationships.
Unrealistic Expectations: When we avoid discussions about death, we create a false impression in children’s minds. They may think that death can be prevented or fixed and that everyone lives forever. They may not appreciate the value of life and take things for granted. They may also have unrealistic hopes or fears about what happens after death, and they may be disappointed or scared when they learn the truth.
Limited Perspective on Life: When we deprive children of experiencing and understanding death, we also deprive them of an essential aspect of the human experience. Death is a part of life and can teach us many things. It can teach us to be grateful for what we have and to cherish every moment. It can teach us to be compassionate and respectful of others and to celebrate their lives. It can teach us to be brave and hopeful and face challenges. By hiding death, we limit children’s perspective on life.
Promoting the Natural Dying Process with Hospice Care
Hospice care plays a vital role in making the end-of-life journey more comfortable for terminally ill patients. As an experienced hospice nurse, I have witnessed firsthand how hospice care can enhance the quality of life during this stage. Here are some crucial methods hospice care can support patients and their families:
Pain and Symptom Management: Hospice teams are skilled in managing pain and other distressing symptoms, ensuring patients remain as comfortable as possible during their final days.
Psychosocial Support: Hospice professionals, including nurses and counselors, are trained to emotionally support patients and their families, addressing fears, anxieties, and concerns with empathy and compassion.
Family Involvement: Hospice care involves the family in decision-making, ensuring that their values and preferences are considered, and providing education and guidance on how to care for their loved one.
Clear Communication: Hospice professionals are adept at communicating in simple terms that can be easily understood, ensuring that patients and families are well-informed about the dying process and their options.
Grief Support: Hospice care continues to provide support to the family even after the patient’s passing, helping them navigate the grieving process.
Conclusion
By shrouding death and dying in secrecy, we risk stunting the emotional growth of the younger generation and perpetuating a culture of fear and misunderstanding. To create a society that is empathetic, compassionate, and well-equipped to cope with loss, we must demystify death and openly discuss the natural dying process. By acknowledging the role of hospice care in making this journey as comfortable as possible, we can promote a healthier approach to mortality, fostering a brighter and more empathetic future for generations to come.
