Two days…. until…

There is a spiritual connection in hospice, dealing with death and dying, forty-plus hours per week. We who are in the field see it often, but there are times when we hear it firmly from the patients and families whom we serve. Let me share the most recent event on Memorial Day, 5/29/2023, week.

Seven days a week (I volunteered to work the weekend), I saw my patient with glioblastoma stage 4 brain cancer while transitioning (the period of in and out of consciousness) towards actively dying and was still able to express himself. On Sunday’s visit, he’s up possibly 30 minutes out of the day, eating bites and sips, and able to communicate clearly.

According to his loved one, Sunday evening, around 3:00 PM, he (the patient) started having terminal restlessness… Monday, 5/29, in the morning, between midnight and 4:00 AM, the patient (who was sleeping in his bed) shared, “There are all these people surrounding the bed, young and old…” …. “There is a stairway leading upwards with a blue light shining…” He tells his loved one he’s walking to the light and raising his hands towards the light… and then hears a voice, “YOU MUST REPENT TO ENTER!”

Then he shares the words “two days” with his loved one. Exploring what those two words meant leaves the loved one wondering what will happen in two days.

On Monday, 5/29, I arrived at about 8 AM, and when we returned to the patient, he was able to wake up and talk lightly. I expressed a desire to have a conversation with God. I shared with the family that, based on the presentation of the patient (the holistic phrase I use that considers the velocity of downward changes, complexion, mottling, etc.), it is very feasible that the patient will die in two to three days.

Wednesday, 5/31… two days later, the patient died. Two days!

I don’t know if the gentlemen made peace with God; the patient and family blessed me as much, if not more, than I may have blessed them in my service to all of them. I know God is real, heaven is real, hell is real, and there’s evidence for those with eyes and ears to see and listen.

Resources

Eldercare Locator: a nationwide service that connects older Americans and their caregivers with trustworthy local support resources

CaringInfo – Caregiver support and much more!

Surviving Caregiving with Dignity, Love, and Kindness

Caregivers.com | Simplifying the Search for In-Home Care

Geri-Gadgets – Washable, sensory tools that calm, focus, and connect—at any age, in any setting

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Caregiver Support Book Series

VSED Support: What Friends and Family Need to Know

My Aging Parent Needs Help!: 7-Step Guide to Caregiving with No Regrets, More Compassion, and Going from Overwhelmed to Organized [Includes Tips for Caregiver Burnout]

Take Back Your Life: A Caregiver’s Guide to Finding Freedom in the Midst of Overwhelm

The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself

Dear Caregiver, It’s Your Life Too: 71 Self-Care Tips To Manage Stress, Avoid Burnout, And Find Joy Again While Caring For A Loved One

Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved

The Art of Dying

Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying

Between Life and Death: A Gospel-Centered Guide to End-of-Life Medical Care

Providing Comfort During the Last Days of Life with Barbara Karnes RN (YouTube Video)

Preparing the patient, family, and caregivers for a “Good Death.”

Velocity of Changes in Condition as an Indicator of Approaching Death (often helpful to answer how soon? or when?)

The Dying Process and the End of Life

The Last Hours of Life

Gone from My Sight: The Dying Experience

The Eleventh Hour: A Caring Guideline for the Hours to Minutes Before Death

By Your Side, A Guide for Caring for the Dying at Home

Bridges to Eternity: The Compassionate Death Doula Path book series:

Additional Books for End-of-Life Doulas

VSED Support: What Friends and Family Need to Know

Find an End-of-Life Doula

Compassion Crossing, LLC – operates on-site through Madison County, Kentucky and virtually if you cannot find one local to you.
Hospice Buddy: While Jamie Haberman, RN, CHPN, is not a certified end-of-life doula, her virtual services are extremely helpful.
The National End-of-Life Doula Alliance (NEDA)
Death Doula Directory
The International Doula Life Movement (IDLM)
The International End-of-Life Doula Association (INDELA)

At present, no official organization oversees end-of-life doulas (EOLDs). Remember that some EOLDs listed in directories may no longer be practicing, so it’s important to verify their current status.

End-of-Life Doula Schools

The following are end-of-life (aka death doula) schools for those interested in becoming an end-of-life doula:

The International End-of-Life Doula Association (INELDA)

University of Vermont. End-of-Life Doula School

The International Doula Life Movement (IDLM)

Kacie Gikonyo’s Death Doula School

Laurel Nicholson’s Faith-Based End-of-Life Doula School

National End-of-Life Doula Alliance (NEDA) – not a school, but does offer a path to certification

Remember that there is currently no official accrediting body for end-of-life doula programs. It’s advisable to conduct discovery sessions with any doula school you’re considering—whether or not it’s listed here—to verify that it meets your needs. Also, ask questions and contact references, such as former students, to assess whether the school offered a solid foundation for launching your own death doula practice.

End-of-Life-Doula Articles

Holistic Nurse: Skills for Excellence book series

Empowering Excellence in Hospice: A Nurse’s Toolkit for Best Practices book series