Introduction: When Tragedy Strikes Without Warning
Some losses shatter us in ways we never imagined possible. When someone you love dies suddenly through suicide, homicide, a car accident, or another traumatic event, the pain can feel unbearable. You may feel like you’re drowning in grief while also dealing with shock, trauma, and emotions you’ve never experienced before.
If you’re reading this, you’re likely in the middle of one of life’s darkest storms. First, know this: what you’re feeling is real, valid, and understandable. Second, you don’t have to face this alone. And third, though it may not feel possible right now, healing can happen.
Traumatic loss is different from other types of grief. It happens when death occurs suddenly, violently, or unexpectedly—without warning or the chance to say goodbye. This might include death by suicide, homicide, motor vehicle accidents (MVAs), workplace accidents, natural disasters, or other sudden tragedies. These losses combine grief with trauma, creating a uniquely challenging experience.
The emotions that follow traumatic loss are often intense and confusing. You might feel shock, rage, guilt, numbness, or fear—sometimes all at once. You might have physical symptoms like exhaustion, nightmares, or difficulty concentrating. All of these reactions are normal responses to an abnormal situation. Your mind and body are trying to process something that shouldn’t have happened.
Here’s what matters most: healing is possible. It won’t happen quickly, and your journey will be uniquely yours. But with the right support, coping strategies, and resources, you can learn to carry this loss while still living a meaningful life.
In this guide, you’ll learn:
Why traumatic grief feels different and what’s happening in your mind and body
Practical coping strategies for taking care of yourself during this crisis
How to find the right professional support for your specific needs
Where to access valuable resources and communities of people who understand
How to move forward while honoring your loved one’s memory
You’ve already taken a courageous step by seeking information. Let’s walk through this together.
⚠️ CRISIS SUPPORT: If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out immediately:
Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7)
Text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line
Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room
Understanding Traumatic Loss: Why It’s Different
Understanding what makes your grief traumatic can help you make sense of your reactions. This knowledge isn’t meant to label your pain, but to help you recognize that your intense responses are completely normal given what you’ve experienced.
What Makes a Loss “Traumatic”
Not all grief is the same. Traumatic loss has specific characteristics that make it especially difficult to process.
Sudden and unexpected nature. When death happens without warning, your brain has no time to prepare. One moment, your loved one was alive. The next moment, everything changed. This shock can last for weeks or months, making the loss feel unreal.
Violent circumstances. Deaths involving violence—whether suicide, homicide, or accidents—add layers of horror to your grief. The manner of death itself becomes part of what you’re trying to process.
No chance to say goodbye. You didn’t get to share final words, offer comfort, or express your love. This lack of closure can leave you with profound regret and unanswered questions.
Graphic details. You may have witnessed the death, discovered your loved one, or learned disturbing details about how they died. These images and information can intrude on your thoughts when you’re trying to remember happier times.
Types of Traumatic Loss
Each type of traumatic loss carries unique challenges. Understanding these differences can help you find support from people who truly understand your specific experience.
Suicide brings complicated grief filled with guilt, stigma, and tormenting questions. “Why didn’t I see the signs?” “What could I have done?” “Why didn’t they reach out?” Society often adds shame to your grief, making it harder to talk about openly. You may feel abandoned, angry, or guilty—sometimes all at once.
Homicide adds injustice and rage to your grief. Someone deliberately took your loved one’s life. You may face lengthy legal proceedings, media attention, and a criminal justice system that doesn’t always bring the closure you need. Your sense of safety in the world may be shattered.
Motor vehicle accidents (MVAs) bring sudden shock and sometimes survivor’s guilt. If you were in the vehicle, you may struggle with “why did I survive?” thoughts. You might develop anxiety about driving or being in cars. The randomness of the tragedy can make the world feel unpredictable and dangerous.
Other sudden deaths—workplace accidents, natural disasters, medical emergencies—share the common thread of being unexpected. You had no time to prepare, no chance to process that death was coming.
How Traumatic Grief Differs from “Normal” Grief
Traumatic grief is grief plus trauma. Your brain is trying to process two things at once: the loss of someone you love AND a traumatic event that threatens your sense of safety and order in the world.
PTSD-like reactions are common. You might experience:
Intrusive thoughts or images of death that pop into your mind
Hypervigilance or feeling constantly on edge and anxious
Avoidance of places, people, or conversations that remind you of the loss
Nightmares that replay the death or related fears
Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) is a recognized condition that can develop after traumatic loss. PGD involves intense grief that doesn’t lessen with time, making it hard to function in daily life even 6-12 months after the death. Signs include intense yearning for the person, difficulty accepting the death, feeling that part of yourself died, or avoiding reminders of the loss.
Physical and emotional symptoms are intensified. Beyond normal grief, traumatic loss can cause severe sleep problems, panic attacks, difficulty concentrating, and physical pain. Your body holds trauma in ways that purely emotional grief doesn’t create.
The healing timeline is longer and more complex. While “normal” grief gradually softens over time, traumatic grief often requires professional intervention. You’re not weak if you need help—you’re dealing with a genuinely more complicated situation.
Here’s the hopeful truth: traumatic grief can be treated. Therapists trained in trauma and grief have evidence-based tools that can help you process both the loss and the trauma. You won’t forget your loved one, but you can find ways to carry your grief while still engaging with life.
The Emotional Landscape: What You Might Be Feeling
Whatever you’re feeling right now is okay. There’s no “right way” to grieve a traumatic loss. Your emotions might be intense, contradictory, or constantly changing. Let’s look at what you might be experiencing and why these reactions make sense.
Common Emotional Responses
Shock and disbelief that lingers. Even weeks or months later, you might wake up thinking, “This can’t be real.” Your mind needs time to accept something so painful and unexpected. This protective numbness helps you survive the early days when the whole reality would be overwhelming.
Intense anger is one of the most common—and often most surprising—emotions after traumatic loss. You might feel rage at:
The person who died (especially in suicide)
Others who “should have” prevented this
God or the universe for allowing this
Yourself for not stopping it
People whose lives continue normally, while yours has been shattered
This anger is not wrong or shameful. It’s your heart’s protest against an injustice.
Profound guilt and “if only” thoughts can consume you. “If only I’d called that day.” “If only I’d noticed something was wrong.” “If only I’d taken a different route.” Please hear this: You are not responsible for your loved one’s death. Your brain is searching for ways you could have controlled an uncontrollable situation.
Numbness or a feeling of disconnection can alternate with intense emotion. You might feel like you’re watching your life from outside your body, or like nothing feels real. This dissociation is your nervous system’s way of protecting you from being overwhelmed.
Fear and anxiety about safety often follow traumatic loss. If death can strike this suddenly, what else could happen? You might worry obsessively about other loved ones, struggle with intrusive fears, or feel constantly on edge.
Depression and hopelessness may settle in as the shock wears off. You might wonder how life can ever feel normal or meaningful again. Joy feels impossible. The future looks gray and empty.
Physical Symptoms of Traumatic Grief
Your body carries grief and trauma together. Physical symptoms are not “all in your head”—they’re real physiological responses to what you’ve experienced.
Sleep disturbances and nightmares are extremely common. You might struggle to fall asleep, wake repeatedly, have nightmares about death, or wake too early. Your body is on high alert, making rest difficult.
Changes in appetite can go either way. Some people can’t eat at all. Others eat constantly, seeking comfort. Both are normal stress responses.
Exhaustion and fatigue often surprise people. “Why am I so tired? I’m not doing anything!” Grief and trauma are exhausting work, even when you’re sitting still. Your brain and body are processing something enormous.
Physical pain—headaches, chest tightness, muscle tension, stomach problems—frequently accompanies emotional pain. Grief literally hurts in your body.
Difficulty concentrating or remembering makes simple tasks feel impossible. You might forget appointments, lose your train of thought mid-sentence, or read the same page five times without absorbing it. This is temporary, not permanent brain damage.
Why These Reactions Are Normal
Your brain and body are protecting you. Every symptom you’re experiencing—even the ones that feel awful—serves a purpose. Numbness prevents you from being overwhelmed. Anger gives you energy when you feel powerless. Hypervigilance tries to keep you safe.
Your nervous system is responding to trauma. When we experience traumatic events, our fight-or-flight system gets activated and sometimes stuck in the “on” position. This creates the physical anxiety symptoms, sleep problems, and hypervigilance you might be experiencing.
Grief and trauma are working together. You’re not just sad—you’re processing a traumatic event that threatens your worldview and sense of safety. This combination creates more intense and complex symptoms than either grief or trauma alone.
You’re not “going crazy”—you’re surviving. Everything you’re feeling is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. These symptoms are evidence of your brain and body doing their best to cope with something devastating.
These reactions won’t last forever. With time, support, and appropriate care, the intensity will decrease. You’ll develop ways to carry your grief that don’t consume your entire life.
Coping Strategies: Taking Care of Yourself
Self-care after traumatic loss isn’t selfish—it’s essential for survival. You need strength to process your grief and navigate the difficult months ahead. These strategies won’t take away your pain, but they can help you function while you’re healing.
Daily Self-Care Basics
Physical care forms the foundation for emotional coping. When your body’s basic needs are met, your mind has more capacity to process grief.
Nutrition and hydration matter even when you have no appetite. Try these approaches:
Keep simple, nutritious foods available (nuts, yogurt, protein bars, fruit)
Set phone reminders to eat small amounts every few hours
Ask friends to bring meals so you don’t have to cook
Keep a water bottle with you and sip throughout the day
Don’t judge yourself—eating anything is better than nothing right now
Sleep hygiene helps even when sleep feels impossible:
Go to bed and wake at consistent times
Create a calming bedtime routine (warm shower, gentle music, reading)
Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet
Avoid screens for an hour before bed
If you can’t sleep after 20 minutes, get up and do something calming until you feel drowsy
Gentle exercise can ease both emotional and physical tension. You don’t need to run marathons—small movements help:
Take a 10-minute walk around your neighborhood
Try gentle stretching or yoga
Spend time in nature, even just sitting outside
Move your body in any way that feels manageable
Avoiding harmful coping mechanisms is crucial. When you’re in crisis, it’s tempting to numb the pain, but some choices make things worse:
Limit alcohol and drugs. They might temporarily numb pain but worsen depression, disrupt sleep, and prevent you from processing grief.
Avoid impulsive major decisions. Don’t make significant changes (like moving, quitting your job, or ending relationships) in the first year, if possible.
Monitor risky behaviors. Grief can make us reckless. Notice if you’re driving dangerously, spending recklessly, or engaging in other harmful activities.
Emotional Self-Care
Allowing your emotions means permitting yourself to feel whatever comes up without judgment.
Your feelings need to move through you, not be pushed down. When emotion rises:
Find a private space and let yourself cry, yell, or express what you’re feeling
Tell yourself, “It’s okay to feel this. This is grief, and it won’t last forever.”
Notice the emotion without trying to fix it or make it go away
Remember that crying is not weakness—it’s release
Journaling provides a safe space to express thoughts and feelings you might not be ready to share with others:
Write freely without worrying about grammar or making sense
Express anger, guilt, or dark thoughts on paper where they can’t hurt anyone
Write letters to your loved one saying what you wish you could tell them
Record memories before they fade
Track your symptoms to share with a therapist
Creative expression gives grief an outlet beyond words:
Draw, paint, or color
Play or listen to music that resonates with your emotions
Create a photo collage or memory book
Garden or work with your hands
Any creative act that feels meaningful to you
Mindfulness and grounding techniques help when you feel overwhelmed or disconnected.
The RAIN method is a simple practice for working with difficult emotions:
R – Recognize: Notice what you’re feeling (“I’m feeling intense anger right now”)
A – Allow: Let the feeling exist without trying to change it
I – Investigate: Get curious about the feeling with kindness (“Where do I feel this in my body?”)
N – Nurture: Offer yourself compassion (“This is so hard. I’m doing my best.”)
Breathing techniques calm your nervous system when anxiety spikes:
Breathe in for four counts, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 (repeat)
Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly, focusing on slow belly breathing
Breathe in slowly through your nose, out slowly through your mouth
Grounding exercises bring you back to the present when traumatic memories intrude:
Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste
Hold ice cubes in your hands
Press your feet firmly into the floor
Splash cold water on your face
Creating Supportive Routines
Structure helps during chaos. When your world feels out of control, small routines provide anchors.
Why routines matter: Your brain craves predictability, especially after trauma has shattered your sense of safety. Simple daily rituals signal to your nervous system that not everything has changed.
Build small, manageable routines:
Morning routine: Wake at the same time, make coffee, take a short walk
Evening routine: Prepare for bed, journal for 10 minutes, read something comforting
Weekly routines: Grocery shopping on a specific day, calling a friend every Tuesday
Don’t overwhelm yourself—one or two small routines are enough
Balance grief time with living time. The Dual Process Model of grief recognizes that healthy coping involves moving between focusing on your loss and focusing on daily life. You need both:
Loss-oriented time: Actively grieving, thinking about your loved one, crying, processing emotions
Restoration-oriented time: Engaging with life, working, socializing, enjoying moments
Give yourself permission to take breaks from grief. Laughing doesn’t mean you’re forgetting. Enjoying something doesn’t dishonor your loved one.
Adapt routines as you heal. What helps in week one might not work in month three. Be flexible and adjust your self-care as your needs change.
Staying Connected
Isolation feels natural, but worsens grief. Trauma makes us want to withdraw, but connection is one of the most powerful healing forces.
Reach out despite the urge to isolate:
Text one person each day, even if it’s just “I’m struggling today”
Accept help when offered—let someone bring a meal or sit with you
Spend time with safe people, even if you don’t talk about your loss
If you can’t see people, call or video chat
Identify safe people to talk to. Not everyone will understand or respond helpfully. Look for people who:
Listen without trying to fix you or offer platitudes
Validate your feelings without judgment
Can sit with your pain without changing the subject
Respect your needs and boundaries
Join support groups with shared experience. Connecting with others who’ve experienced similar traumatic loss can be profoundly healing. They understand in ways even well-meaning friends cannot. (See the Resources section for specific groups.)
Let others help with practical needs. People want to help but don’t know how. Give them specific tasks:
“Can you pick up groceries for me?”
“Would you be willing to help with paperwork?”
“Could you coordinate meal deliveries?”
“Can you just come sit with me for an hour?”
Remember: Reaching out for support is not a burden—it’s a strength. You deserve help during this crisis.
Finding the Right Support: Who Can Help?
Professional support is not a sign of weakness—it’s a wise response to a serious crisis. Traumatic loss often requires more than the support of friends and family. Understanding your options helps you find the right kind of help for your needs.
Understanding Your Support Options
Different professionals offer different types of support. Knowing the distinctions helps you make informed choices about who can best help you.
Grief Coaches
What they do:Grief coaches provide support, accountability, and forward-focused guidance. They help you set goals, develop coping strategies, and navigate life transitions after loss.
Training and credentials: Grief coaches typically complete specialized grief coaching certification programs. They are not licensed mental health professionals and cannot diagnose or treat mental health conditions.
Best for: General grief support and practical guidance as you adjust to life after loss. Helpful for navigating life transitions and finding meaning after loss.
Important to know: Grief coaches are not therapists or counselors. They cannot treat complicated grief, PTSD, depression, or other mental health conditions that often accompany traumatic loss.
Licensed Grief Counselors
Professional credentials: Licensed grief counselors hold professional licenses such as:
LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)
LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker)
LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)
Licensed Psychologist
They’ve completed graduate-level education and clinical training, and many have specialized training in grief and bereavement.
What they offer: Licensed counselors can:
Diagnose and treat mental health conditions
Provide evidence-based therapy for complicated grief
Address co-occurring depression, anxiety, or other conditions
Offer longer-term therapeutic support
Insurance: Many licensed counselors accept insurance or offer sliding scale fees based on income.
Best for: Anyone experiencing grief that interferes with daily functioning, complicated grief symptoms, or co-occurring mental health conditions.
Therapists Specializing in Trauma
When you need trauma-specific treatment: Because traumatic loss combines grief with trauma, you may benefit from a therapist specifically trained in trauma treatment.
Evidence-based approaches include:
CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy): Helps you process traumatic events and challenge unhelpful beliefs
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Uses bilateral stimulation to help your brain process traumatic memories
These therapists address both grief and trauma symptoms, helping you process intrusive memories, reduce hypervigilance, and work through traumatic grief.
Essential for: PTSD symptoms, intrusive traumatic memories, severe anxiety, or complicated grief that doesn’t improve with general grief counseling.
Psychiatrists
When medication may help: Psychiatrists are medical doctors who can prescribe medication for conditions like major depression, severe anxiety, or PTSD that sometimes accompany traumatic loss.
What they treat: Co-occurring mental health conditions that medication can help manage, including:
Major depressive disorder
Generalized anxiety disorder
PTSD
Panic disorder
Insomnia
Comprehensive care: Many people work with both a psychiatrist (for medication management) and a therapist (for counseling), creating a complete treatment plan.
Faith-Based Counselors
Integrating spirituality and faith: If faith is important to you, faith-based counselors integrate spiritual guidance with grief support.
Where to find them:
Church or religious community-based counseling services
Christian counseling centers
Pastoral counselors
Best for: Addressing spiritual struggles after loss, such as anger at God, questioning your faith, or seeking meaning within your religious framework.
Important note: Ensure faith-based counselors also have proper mental health credentials if you need treatment for complicated grief or mental health conditions.
When to Seek Professional Help
Many people need professional support after a traumatic loss. Recognizing when you need more than peer support is crucial.
Seek help immediately if you’re experiencing:
Thoughts of self-harm or suicide (Call 988 now)
Plans to harm yourself or others
Inability to care for yourself (not eating, not getting out of bed for days)
Severe substance use to cope with grief
Seek help within weeks if you’re experiencing:
Inability to function in daily life (can’t work, care for children, manage basic tasks)
Intense, persistent PTSD symptoms (intrusive memories, severe anxiety, nightmares)
Panic attacks or severe anxiety that interfere with life
Complete isolation or inability to connect with anyone
Seek help if these symptoms continue after several months:
No improvement after 6-12 months, or symptoms are worsening
Prolonged Grief Disorder symptoms: Intense yearning, difficulty accepting the death, feeling like part of you died, inability to move forward
Major depression symptoms: Persistent hopelessness, loss of interest in everything, feelings of worthlessness
Increasing substance use to cope with emotions
Difficulty maintaining relationships or employment
Remember: You don’t have to wait until things are severe. Seeking help early can prevent complications and support healthier healing.
How to Find the Right Professional
Finding a good therapist match matters. Not every provider will be the right fit for you.
Questions to ask potential providers:
“What training do you have in traumatic grief or complicated bereavement?”
“Have you worked with people who’ve experienced [suicide loss/homicide loss/sudden death]?”
“What therapeutic approaches do you use for grief and trauma?”
“Do you accept my insurance, or what are your fees?”
“What’s your approach to [spirituality/medication/family involvement]?”
Check credentials and specialization:
Verify they’re licensed in your state
Look for specialized training in grief, trauma, or both
Check online reviews and professional profiles
Ask about their experience with your specific type of loss
Insurance and cost options:
Contact your insurance to find in-network providers
Ask about sliding scale fees if paying out-of-pocket
Some community mental health centers offer low-cost services
Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) often provide free sessions
Trust your comfort level. The therapeutic relationship matters. After your first session or two:
Do you feel heard and understood?
Does the therapist respond with warmth and compassion?
Do you feel safe sharing difficult feelings?
Does their approach feel helpful?
It’s okay to try different providers. If the first therapist isn’t a good fit, that doesn’t mean therapy won’t help—it means you haven’t found your right match yet. Keep looking.
Professional help is an act of courage and self-care, not weakness. You deserve support from people trained to help you through this crisis.
Support Systems and Connection
You cannot—and should not—walk this path alone. Beyond professional help, building a support system of people who understand makes a profound difference in healing.
Support Groups
Connecting with others who truly understand your specific experience can be one of the most healing parts of your journey.
Benefits of grief support groups:
Meet others who “get it” without long explanations
Realize you’re not alone in your reactions and feelings
Learn coping strategies from people further along in their journey
Express feelings you might not feel comfortable sharing with friends or family
Reduce isolation and build new connections
Types of support groups:
General bereavement groups welcome anyone who’s experienced loss. These are often offered through hospices, hospitals, or community organizations.
Traumatic loss-specific groups focus on sudden, violent, or traumatic deaths. Participants understand the unique combination of grief and trauma.
Loss type-specific groups bring together people who’ve experienced the same kind of loss:
Suicide survivor groups
Homicide survivor groups
Groups for those who’ve lost someone to addiction
Motor vehicle accident survivor groups
Groups for specific relationships (spouses, parents, siblings)
In-person vs. online options:
In-person groups offer face-to-face connection and community
Online groups provide accessibility from home, especially helpful if you’re in a rural area, have mobility issues, or aren’t ready for in-person connection
Many people benefit from both
What to expect at your first meeting:
Facilitators usually explain group guidelines at the start
You can share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with
It’s okay to just listen at first
You’ll likely feel emotional—bring tissues
Give yourself time—the first meeting may feel awkward, but it often gets easier
Finding groups: See the Resources section below for specific organizations that offer support groups for traumatic loss.
Family and Friends
Your existing relationships can be sources of support, but they may need guidance about how to help you.
Educating loved ones about traumatic grief:
Share articles or resources about traumatic loss so they understand what you’re experiencing
Explain that traumatic grief is different and more intense than typical grief
Help them understand that unhelpful comments (like “everything happens for a reason”) cause more pain
Let them know your grief will not follow a neat timeline
Asking for specific help makes it easier for people to support you:
“I need someone to just listen without trying to fix things”
“I need help with [specific task] this week”
“I need company but not conversation—could you just sit with me?”
“I need someone to help me sort through paperwork”
“I need you to check in with me regularly, even when I don’t reach out”
Dealing with unhelpful responses:
Some people will say hurtful things despite good intentions. Common examples include:
“They’re in a better place”
“Everything happens for a reason”
“At least they’re not suffering”
“You should be over this by now”
“God needed another angel”
Possible responses:
“That’s not helpful for me right now”
“I know you mean well, but I need you to just listen”
“I’m not ready for that perspective yet”
Simply changing the subject or ending the conversation
Protecting yourself from secondary trauma:
Limit exposure to media coverage if your loss was publicized
Set boundaries around hearing graphic details
Ask loved ones not to share trial information unless you request it
It’s okay to skip events or conversations that feel too painful
Online Communities
Digital support can be valuable, especially when in-person options aren’t available or you need connection at 3 a.m.
Benefits of online communities:
Available 24/7 when you’re struggling
Connect with people worldwide who share your experience
Remain anonymous if you’re not ready to share publicly
Access support from home on difficult days
Limitations to be aware of:
Less personal than an in-person connection
Can sometimes amplify distress if the community isn’t well-moderated
Lacks the professional guidance of therapy
Maintaining safety online:
Look for moderated communities with clear guidelines
Protect your privacy and don’t share identifying information publicly
Step back if interactions feel unhealthy or triggering
Balance online support with real-world connection
Finding moderated, supportive spaces:
Choose communities affiliated with reputable organizations
Look for communities with trained moderators or facilitators
Read reviews or ask others about their experiences
Start by observing before participating
See the Resources section for specific online communities.
Valuable Resources: Where to Turn
You need access to reliable, accessible resources as you navigate this journey. Here are specific organizations, hotlines, and online resources that can help.
Crisis Resources (Immediate Help)
If you’re in immediate crisis, reach out now:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (24/7) for immediate support if you’re having thoughts of suicide or are in emotional crisis. Free, confidential help from trained counselors.
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (24/7) to connect with a crisis counselor via text message. Helpful if you prefer texting over calling.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-7233 (24/7) for support related to domestic violence or abuse situations.
SAMHSA National Helpline:1-800-662-4357 (24/7) for referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community organizations treating mental health and substance use disorders.
Emergency: If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
Grief Support Organizations
These national organizations provide resources, support groups, and education specifically for traumatic loss:
The Dougy Center (dougy.org) – Provides resources, training, and support for grieving children, teens, and families. Offers a national directory of grief support programs for children.
GriefShare (griefshare.org) – Faith-based grief support groups meeting in churches nationwide. A searchable database helps you locate groups near you—offering free or low-cost participation.
The Compassionate Friends (compassionatefriends.org) – Supporting bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents after the death of a child. Local chapters nationwide have monthly meetings, an annual conference, and online support.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – AFSP (afsp.org) – Resources for suicide loss survivors, including:
Survivor support groups nationwide
Online support communities
Educational materials
Healing conversations program
Local walks and fundraising events
Parents of Murdered Children – POMC (pomc.org) – Support specifically for families who’ve lost loved ones to homicide. Local chapters, court accompaniment programs, and national conferences.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors – TAPS (taps.org) – Comprehensive services for military families who’ve lost a loved one serving in the Armed Forces. 24/7 helpline, peer support, grief camps for children, and assistance from a casualty caseworker. Call 1-800-959-8277 (24/7).
Online Resources
What’s Your Grief (whatsyourgrief.com) – Extensive grief education through articles, courses, and practical tools. Covers every aspect of grief with compassion and expertise. Free and paid resources available.
Alliance of Hope (allianceofhope.org) – Online community specifically for suicide loss survivors. Moderated forums provide 24/7 peer support from others who understand, along with educational resources and a weekly blog.
My Grief Angels (mygriefangels.org) – Online peer support community where you can connect with others experiencing grief. Free membership, forums organized by type of loss, memorial pages, and articles.
Winston’s Wish (winstonswish.org) – UK-based organization supporting grieving children and young people, with resources applicable worldwide. Excellent guidance for parents supporting bereaved children.
Bereaved Parents of the USA (bereavedparentsusa.org) – Support for parents, siblings, and grandparents grieving the death of a child. Online resources, newsletter, and local chapter directory.
Grieving.com (grieving.com) – Online forums and educational articles covering all aspects of grief and loss. Active community with various discussion boards.
Compassion Crossing (compassioncrossing.info) – Comprehensive resources for hospice care, end-of-life preparation, and grief support. Articles cover anticipatory grief, bereavement, and caregiver support from a holistic nursing perspective.
Moving Forward: Integration, Not “Getting Over It”
Healing from traumatic loss doesn’t mean “getting over it” or forgetting your loved one. It means learning to carry your grief while still engaging with life in meaningful ways. Let’s explore what this process actually looks like.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Integration vs. resolution is an important distinction. You won’t “resolve” or “complete” your grief as if solving a problem. Instead, you’ll integrate this loss into your life story. Your loved one becomes part of who you are, shaping you without consuming you.
Carrying your loss while living fully becomes possible over time. You learn to hold both grief and joy, remembering and moving forward, honoring the past while building a future. These aren’t contradictory—they coexist.
Continuing bonds with the deceased is healthy and normal. You don’t have to “let go” or “move on” from your loved one. Many people maintain connections through:
Talking to their loved one in their mind or aloud
Continuing traditions or rituals that honor them
Feeling their presence or sensing their guidance
Creating memorial projects or spaces
Living in ways they would be proud of
Post-traumatic growth is possible, though not inevitable or required. Some people, over time, find that their traumatic loss leads to:
Deeper appreciation for life and relationships
Greater compassion for others who suffer
Increased personal strength and resilience
Clarified priorities and values
Spiritual growth or changed worldviews
Commitment to meaningful causes
Important: Growth doesn’t mean you’re glad the loss happened or that it was “worth it.” You can grow AND still wish it never happened.
Creating Meaning
Finding ways to honor your loved one can provide comfort and purpose during grief.
Legacy projects and memorials keep their memory alive:
Create a memory book or photo album
Plant a tree or garden in their honor
Establish a scholarship or fund in their name
Commission artwork that represents them
Create an online memorial page
Preserve their writings, recipes, or creations
Advocacy and helping others can transform pain into purpose:
Support causes they cared about
Volunteer with organizations serving people who’ve experienced similar losses
Share your story to help others feel less alone
Participate in awareness walks or fundraising events
Advocate for policy changes related to how they died
Finding purpose through pain doesn’t minimize your suffering—it gives it meaning:
Your loved one’s death can lead to changes that help others
Your journey through grief can offer hope to those behind you
Your advocacy can prevent other families from experiencing similar loss
Honoring your loved one happens in countless personal ways:
Live according to the values they exemplified
Continue traditions you shared
Tell their stories to keep them alive in others’ hearts
Make choices you believe they would support
Find ways to include them in family celebrations
Hope for the Future
You can survive this. Though it may not feel possible right now, countless people have survived traumatic losses and rebuilt meaningful lives. You have more strength than you know.
Joy and grief can coexist. You don’t betray your loved one by laughing, enjoying activities, or experiencing happiness. Grief and joy are not opposites—they exist together. Your loved one wouldn’t want your life to end with theirs.
Your journey is unique—there’s no timeline. Ignore anyone who suggests you should “be over this” by a certain point. Healing isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and terrible days, sometimes within the same hour. Progress isn’t steady forward movement—it’s a spiral, circling back through familiar territory but at a different level each time.
Growth doesn’t mean forgetting. Building a life after loss doesn’t dishonor the person who died. You can heal, grow, and move forward while still loving and remembering them. They remain part of your story forever.
Life can be meaningful again. This doesn’t mean life will ever be the same—it won’t. But different doesn’t mean empty. Over time, you can discover new sources of meaning, connection, and even joy. The hole your loved one left never completely fills, but you learn to build a life around it—a life that honors them while also honoring your own need to live.
Conclusion: You Don’t Have to Walk This Path Alone
You’ve taken an important step by seeking information and resources. That takes courage when you’re in pain.
Let’s remember what we’ve covered:
Traumatic loss is uniquely challenging because it combines grief with trauma
Your intense physical, emotional, and psychological reactions are normal responses to an abnormal situation
Self-care—including physical basics, emotional expression, routines, and connection—is essential, not optional
Professional support from grief counselors or trauma therapists is wise, not weak
Support groups and online communities connect you with people who truly understand
Abundant resources exist to support you through this journey
Healing means integration, not forgetting—you can carry your loss while still living fully
Here’s what I want you to know: The pain you’re feeling right now is a testament to the love you had. Grief is love with no place to go. Your devastation reflects the importance of the person you lost. There’s no shame in that.
You are not alone. Thousands of people are navigating traumatic grief right now. Many have walked this path before you and found ways to survive, grow, and eventually thrive while still honoring their loved ones. You can too.
Your loved one would want you to heal. They wouldn’t want your life to end with theirs. Finding ways to live again—while still carrying your love for them—honors their memory.
You are stronger than you know. The fact that you’re still here, that you’re reading this and seeking help, proves your resilience. Keep taking small steps forward.
Here’s what to do next—just one small action:
Call 988 if you’re having thoughts of harming yourself
Text or call one person who cares about you
Find one support group from the resources above and attend a meeting
Make an appointment with a grief counselor or therapist
Try one self-care activity today—take a walk, write in a journal, or simply rest
Save this article and the resources listed to refer back to when you need them
You don’t need to do everything at once. Just take one small step. Then another. Day by day, moment by moment, you’ll find your way through.
There is hope. The darkness you’re experiencing right now won’t last forever. With support, time, and compassion for yourself, healing is possible. Not healing that erases your loved one or pretends this didn’t happen—but healing that allows you to carry them with you as you rebuild a meaningful life.
You matter. Your pain matters—your healing matters.
And you don’t have to walk this path alone.
If you’re experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out immediately. Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7) or call 911.
All the Blues in the Sky by Renée Watson – About a 13-year-old whose best friend dies on her birthday, exploring grief through counseling group experiences.
The Truth as Told by Mason Buttle by Leslie Connor – Chronicles a boy dealing with a friend’s death, a learning disability, and community judgment.
The Year of the Rat by Clare Furniss – A 15-year-old coping with her mother’s death during childbirth and caring for her baby sister.
The Dougy Center offers extensive free resources, including activity sheets, tip sheets, and guidance for children and families. They provide age-appropriate materials and have partnered with Sesame Street on grief resources.
Winston’s Wish provides comprehensive bereavement support for children up to age 25, including online chat, phone support, and downloadable resources. It also offers specialized guidance for different types of loss.
Sesame Street Communities: Helping Kids Grieve features interactive videos with Elmo and other characters, activities for expressing feelings, and family guidance. All resources are free and available in multiple languages.
The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) provides educational toolkits, connects families to local support services, and offers professional development for those working with grieving children.
GriefShare helps locate local grief support groups for families and provides daily email encouragement for those processing loss.
Enhanced Online Resources for Teens
Specialized Teen Platforms
Talk Grief—Winston’s Wish operates this dedicated online space for teenagers and young adults aged 13-25. It features peer stories and professional support.
Teenage Grief Sucks – A teen-run website opening conversations about grief where teens can read candid stories and share their own experiences.
Actively Moving Forward – A national network specifically created for grieving young adults, addressing the unique challenges of this age group.
The Dinner Party – Young adults in nearly 100 cities worldwide meet for dinner, creating community for emerging adults who’ve experienced loss.
Comprehensive Teen Support Centers
The Dougy Center Teen Resources provides age-specific materials, including tip sheets, that acknowledge “grief usually does what it wants” and doesn’t follow rules or schedules. They emphasize that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Hospice of the Valley Teen Resources offers specialized materials addressing how teens grieve differently than adults, sudden versus expected death, and losing siblings or friends.
Children’s Room Teen Program provides peer support groups and activities specifically for teens to connect around shared interests while processing grief.
Interactive Support Options
Winston’s Wish offers immediate support through live chat, helpline, and text services – no waiting lists required. They also provide one-to-one sessions with bereavement specialists for teens 13 and older.
HEART Play for Young Adults connects late high school and college-aged individuals, providing space to discuss challenges of graduation, leaving home after loss, and meeting new people.
Educational Resources for Teens and Families
The JED Foundation provides mental health resources showing teens how they can support one another and overcome challenges during the transition to adulthood.
Eluna Network offers grief resources organized by specific age ranges, including detailed developmental information and support strategies for both middle school and high school students.
National Alliance for Children’s Grief provides educational toolkits and connects families to local services, with materials specifically designed for adolescent grief.
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At present, no official organization oversees end-of-life doulas (EOLDs). Remember that some EOLDs listed in directories may no longer be practicing, so it’s important to verify their current status.
End-of-Life Doula Schools
The following are end-of-life (aka death doula) schools for those interested in becoming an end-of-life doula:
Remember that there is currently no official accrediting body for end-of-life doula programs. It’s advisable to conduct discovery sessions with any doula school you’re considering—whether or not it’s listed here—to verify that it meets your needs. Also, ask questions and contact references, such as former students, to assess whether the school offered a solid foundation for launching your own death doula practice.
