When a dementia patient inquiries about a family member who has passed away but still believes them to be alive, it’s essential to respond with empathy and understanding. Here are some tips on how to handle such situations with compassion and sensitivity:
Compassionately Responding
Respond with affection and reassurance: People with dementia often feel confused, anxious, and unsure of themselves. Avoid trying to convince them that they are wrong and stay focused on the feelings they are demonstrating. Respond with verbal and physical expressions of comfort, support, and reassurance.
Remind the person who you are if he or she doesn’t remember: Gently remind the person of your relationship to them without saying, “Don’t you remember?” This can help them feel more secure and grounded in the present moment.
Encourage a two-way conversation for as long as possible: Try to engage the person in a conversation about their memories or other topics that they enjoy. This can help distract them from their fixation on the deceased family member and provide a more positive and engaging experience.
Try distracting the person with an activity: If you are having trouble communicating with words, try engaging the person in an activity that they enjoy, such as looking at a familiar book or photo album. This can help redirect their attention and provide a more positive and engaging experience.
Avoid arguing or correcting the person: Instead of correcting the person with dementia if they make a mistake or forget something, ask family and friends to respond to the feelings expressed or talk about something different. This can help maintain a positive and supportive environment.
Establish whether or not they are feeling unhappy or lonely: A person with dementia may want to talk to or communicate with the deceased family member because they are feeling unhappy or lonely. Try to address these underlying emotions by providing comfort, companionship, and engaging activities.
Seek support from other family members and caregivers: Caring for a person with dementia can be challenging, and it is essential to have a support system in place. Reach out to other family members, friends, or support groups for assistance and guidance.
Take care of yourself: Caring for a person with dementia can be emotionally and physically draining. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being by getting enough rest, eating well, and seeking support when needed.
Effective Ways to Redirect
Here are some effective ways to redirect a dementia patient’s focus when they are fixated on a deceased family member:
Introduce a meaningful activity: Engaging the person in a familiar and enjoyable activity can help shift their focus away from the fixation. For example, looking at old photo albums or listening to their favorite music can be helpful.
Keep it simple: Use simple and clear language when redirecting the person’s attention. Complex explanations or reasoning may only cause more confusion and frustration.
Use bridge phrases: Bridge phrases are a way to create a new focus away from a negative thought or behavior. For example, you can say, “Let’s look at that old photo album again. I want to see that picture of the two of you in look-alike poodle skirts”.
Watch nonverbal cues: Pay attention to the person’s nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions. This can help you understand if your redirection is working or if you need to try a different approach.
Focus on what really matters: Instead of trying to correct the person’s fixation, focus on their emotions and well-being. Make sure they feel cared for and listened to, and ensure they are in a safe situation.
Use touch to calm: If the person is comfortable with it, gentle touch on the arm, shoulder, or hand can be comforting and grounding.
Don’t try to correct: Avoid correcting the person or explaining why they can’t talk to their deceased family member. This may only cause more confusion and frustration.
Communication Strategies
Communicating with a dementia patient who is fixated on a deceased family member can be challenging. Here are some strategies that may help:
Reminisce about joyful memories: Try to engage the patient in a conversation about the time they spent with their deceased friend or relative. Bring up a happy memory and talk about it.
Respond with affection and reassurance: People with dementia often feel confused, anxious, and unsure of themselves. Avoid trying to convince them that they are wrong. Instead, stay focused on the feelings they are demonstrating and respond with verbal and physical expressions of comfort and support.
Use redirection: Shift the patient’s attention away from the fixation on the deceased family member to a more pleasant emotion or situation. This can be done by introducing a meaningful activity, keeping the conversation simple, or using bridge phrases to put the focus back on the person.
Be prepared for different reactions: Dementia patients may express grief, cry, or be oblivious to the death of a close family member. Brace yourself for these reactions and respond with patience and understanding.
Help them keep active and busy: If the person who died was the main caregiver of the dementia patient, it can lead to lots of changes in their life. They may need professional carers for the first time or have new people around them providing care. They are likely to need lots of support, guidance, and assistance to adjust to these changes.
Consider attending the funeral: The decision of whether to tell the person with dementia about the death and whether they should attend the funeral should be made in the best interests of the person. Think about how their dementia may affect others at the funeral and how their family and friends may feel if the person isn’t told about the death.
Conclusion
Dealing with a dementia patient who is fixated on a deceased family member requires a delicate balance of empathy, patience, and understanding. It’s crucial to respond with affection and reassurance, focusing on the feelings they are demonstrating rather than trying to correct their misconceptions. Engaging them in two-way conversations about their memories or other topics they enjoy can help distract them from their fixation on the deceased family member.
Redirection is a powerful tool in these situations. Introducing a meaningful activity, using simple language, and employing bridge phrases can help shift the patient’s focus away from their fixation. Nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions, can provide valuable insights into whether the redirection is working or if a different approach is needed.
Communication strategies include reminiscing about joyful memories, responding with affection and reassurance, and being prepared for different reactions. It’s important to remember that dementia patients may express grief, cry, or be oblivious to the death of a close family member.
Lastly, it’s essential to take care of oneself as a caregiver. Caring for a person with dementia can be emotionally and physically draining, and having a support system in place is crucial. This can include reaching out to other family members, friends, or support groups for assistance and guidance.
Remember, every dementia patient is unique, and what works for one might not work for another. It’s about finding the right balance and approach for each individual, always keeping their comfort and well-being at the forefront.
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📚 This site uses Amazon Associate links, which means I earn a small commission when you purchase books or products through these links—at no extra cost to you. These earnings help me keep this website running and free from advertisements, so I can continue providing helpful articles and resources at no charge.
💝If you don’t see anything you need today but still want to support this work, you can buy me a cup of coffee or tea. Every bit of support helps me continue writing and sharing resources for families during difficult times. 💙
Currently, there’s no governing body that regulates end-of-life doulas (EOLDs). Note that some EOLDs listed in directories might no longer be active; always double check.
End-of-Life Doula Schools
The following are end-of-life (aka death doula) schools for those interested in becoming an end-of-life doula:
Keep in mind that currently, there’s no governing body in the end-of-life doula space that accredits schools. It’s a good idea to have discovery sessions with any doula school you’re considering, whether it’s mentioned here or you find it elsewhere, to make sure it meets your needs. Also, be sure to ask questions and check references, including speaking with older graduates, to see if the school they attended gave them a solid foundation for starting their own death doula business.
